A halfway point

In terms of halfway points, it doesn't mean a lot. Today is day #21 since my surgery (with 10/13 being day #1 and day of surgery). In three weeks, I'll be seeing my surgeon. At that point, I *should* be allowed to: start partial weight bearing and return to work. I can't see why I wouldn't, but never say never. I think that the real approval will be less my surgeon and more what the x-ray looks like (make sure there's healing there, etc).

It's hard to believe that it's been three weeks. In many respects, it feels like forever. And, knowing that it's only halfway, I can't believe I have another forever yet to go.

Today, I finally peeled off the remaining surgical tape off the incision. The lower part has lost any scabbing but the other part still has about an inch of dried blood on it. It's going to leave QUITE a mark on my leg. I knew it would, but the reality is always something else.

I'm still getting stronger, of course. I can now do leg lifts without assistance and without needing to take a break between each one. My eventual goal is 3 sets of 15. I'm at 3 sets of 10 and it's a real struggle to do those 10. But that's okay! I'm working on it.

I think I'll know I'm doing much better when existing within the confines of the cursed brace are easier (you do a leg lift with that on). Also, being able to do a leg lift sitting up, rather than on my elbows (which is how I'm supposed to be doing them for now).

Also, sleeping is much easier now, compared to before. I think it's the fact that my leg is slightly bent when I sleep. Before, when it was locked and extended, the weight of the covers pulled on my leg and oh god it hurt. No more pain, thankfully, just in time for winter to roll in and now I can cozy up under the covers at night. (Sleeping will be easier when I can roll over, even on my side... but you try doing that with that brace on)

That said, I struggle a LOT with my decision to do this. Yes, I know, life pre-surgery wasn't fun. I mean, I was SO limited by the time I decided to do this. I couldn't walk without pain, or without limping. I could generally ride my recumbent exercise bike... but a real bike? My knee couldn't handle that. Strength training was SO painful, but I pushed through, in order to recover better. Wearing the unloader brace caused chafing and burns. It wasn't much of a life.

But right now? It ain't much of a life, either (and yeah, I knew about it on an intelluctual level, prior to surgery). I cannot do ANYTHING for myself, it seems. I can get myself SOME foods, if I can stuff it in my crutch bag, but my balance stinks and I can't do anything that might require more effort. Yes, I can get into the tub, shower, dry, and dress myself... but I'm flat-out not allowed to do it, if my husband isn't home. I'm reliant on him to take care of ALL the house keeping, ALL the cooking, the laundry, and all care of the cats. It's frustrating to have to let things go and let him do it, as he sees fit. I can't drive anywhere and even if I could, getting around any store would be so difficult. I'm stuck at home. I don't have a lot of very local friends and those I have seem to have vanished. My less local local friends are still there, one of whom comes to visit as often as she can.

But I'm lonely. I'm pretty miserable, even if I'm not in pain. I can't do anything and there's no one to spend time with. And I have three more weeks of this hell? Going back to work seems so amazing, because I know I'm missed there, even as staff to my faculty and students.

In six months time, life should be better than it was in September, with regards to my knee. Do you know how far away that seems right now? And I can't even plan any trips, because I don't really know what I will be able to do at any point in time.

Blah. :(