Wait, what day is it?

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th. I think I'll stay home and, like my cat, cover my eyes and hide from the world.

Actually, more important, it's November 13th. I had my surgery on *October* 13th. I've managed the one month mark so far! Woot!

I'm trying to decide if I'm gaining weight or losing weight. I thought I was holding steady. Logic tells me that I must be gaining weight because I sit on the sofa all day. This is all right buuuut I've got to be careful. Like I do when I'm healthy, I eat the good for me food first and reconsider if I want the junk food. It's just paying attention to what I eat.

I hate the damned brace. I really need to get a good picture of me in it, so you can see why I hate it.

See, here's the brace itself: Click me!
That's ankle to upper thigh (because I'm so short and I lose all my height in my legs)

I will say that it's not as heavy as it used to be (as I've regained the ability to use my leg) but it's still clunky and awkward. Can't easily roll on to my side at night wearing that, now, can I? It's also amusing to think that I have a (surgically) broken leg and that's all I've got to cope with. (Of course, being surgical, there is a plate and pins in there, holding that sucker, uh, apart)

Other weird things include the MASSIVE numb spot in the area of the bottom of the knee cap, across the front of my leg and down a few inches. Completely without sensation. Except at night when the nerves work on repairing themselves and it feels like a trickle of water down my leg.

The numb spot and my poor right foot have given up the ghost. I have a VERY hard time getting lotion to absorb into the skin on the leg and the poor foot is just going "wtf? You're supposed to use me and you're not NOW WHAT WOMAN". Oh well. I'm trying to just keep massaging the lotion in to my leg.

In the middle of it all, it's very hard to think of WHY I opted to do this. I don't always want to stay positive. I want to indulge in pity parties and feel sorry for myself... but once things are better. Once I'm partial weight bearing. Once I'm full weight bearing no crutches no cane... then I'll be reminded WHY I did this. For now, I need to endure, and that means pity parties (sadly, without good food).

The end goal is this: I want to have the choice to sit on the sofa and watch TV instead of an activity, instead of the sitting on the sofa being my ONLY option. Before surgery, I was (and will be for awhile, post-surgery) very limited. I could walk, some, but preferably with my unloader brace. I could ride a recumbent bike because it is impact-free. I couldn't hike. I certainly couldn't even run across the street, dodging traffic. What kind of life is that, at age 32?

I look forward to the options in the future, to do what I want, be it be active or be lazy. I look forward to not having that choice made for me.



(But right now, this kinda sucks. FYI.)